Saturday, February 6, 2010

A rose by any other name.....

I'm admitting that I'm all messed up in the head. I always wondered why crazy people stop taking their pills if they are working.
Now I'm one of those crazy people. I've dealt with really bad panic attacks since I was in the seventh grade. After the birth of Liam, it got so bad within three days of giving birth to him that I had to go on Zoloft. It was working great at keeping my anxiety at bay, and on the plus side, it made me a really nice mom. No more fits of rage.
Fast foward to last October, when I ran out of the script. I figured I would wing it without the medication. And while the anxiety did not really come back, the ugly did. But I felt I needed to try to control my anger on my own. Because you have to be a really screwed up and bad mom if you can't be nice to your kids out of your own free volition right?
Well, it's been a few months, and I was doing so so, but there are days that are horrible and I wish I could just erase them. And yesterday was one of those days. Absolutely horrible.
So I'm going to pick up my pills today. It breaks my heart to admit that I have to take medication just to be a good mom, and that I'll probably have to do this the rest of my life.
I just wish I had the goodness in me to do it on my own.

2 comments:

  1. First.. :::HUGS::: and second you are not alone. I am in the same boat..I feel as though I could have written this post myself. I have not been taking my meds as I should but have decided I need to get back on them. And to me being a good mom isn't just about doing everything greatly on your own, it's about knowing and accepting when you might need a little help.

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  2. Thanks! I have to say that after a week of being on my medication again I am doing much better. And you're right about knowing when you need help, it's just hard getting to that point.

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